Some thoughts, and Grace

To my peeps -- thank you for your encouraging and ass-kicking comments.

The reason I keep bringing up gaining weight is because those 5-7 pounds are the difference between easy pullups and hard pullups. Obviously, easy is the preferred variety. :)

What you all reminded me is that I have the strength, I'm just not using it properly. What I need to focus on is improving my kipping skills so that I'm more effectively moving whatever my body weight is up and over the bar. That skill improvement will serve  me for a lot longer than just telling myself that pullups will get better once I get my food choices dialed in and I lose that 5-7 pounds of body fat.

THANK YOU.

(Side note: I just cannot go back to the using the band. Not happening. I know this problem is skill-based / MENTAL, so I will not coddle my bad attitude with a crutch like that. Not happening. And it's not ego, either -- if I truly thought I gained that much weight, or lost that much strength, I would go back to the band. But I haven't. I have just lost my confidence in myself, and the only way back to a good place with confidence is for me to do what scares me.)

Feeling like total ass is also teaching me a lesson about food choices.

I think this is probably the way I felt when I first started CrossFit -- no wonder I wanted to just quit and felt so defeated! This crap food is dragging me down, it's making my body store fat, it's making me depressed and tired, and it's absolutely killing my performance in the gym.

So, really, does the "enjoyment" of eating something like ice cream really balance out all those negatives?

We all know the answer to that question. It's NO.

Yet again Paleo wins because of how it makes us feel and perform -- those two benefits go so much deeper than a number on the scale or how our bodies look. It's not me depriving myself or playing head games with myself -- it's just a conscious decision to fuel my body in a way that improves how I feel doing the things I love.

But it's a familiar cycle... I feel bad emotionally, so I eat crap (or in the past smoked cigarettes or drank alcohol) so I will feel bad physically. The food binges that have taken place during April have been off the fucking charts people. Just incredibly bad.

But starting today I can look ahead and begin anew with treating my body the way it deserves to be treated. Treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

--
Today's benchmark WOD was "Grace". It's been bugging me that I only had a time for this WOD at 85#, so I was very happy to try it again at 95#. Most published times for female athletes are at 95, so now I'll know for sure how I stack up. (I know, I should compete against myself, etc etc etc, but I can't help it :-p)

"Grace"
30 clean & jerk (135/95) for time.

Results: 4:51

I am annoyed to report that I was not totally ecstatic after finishing this WOD. I felt like I could've gone faster. And I didn't beat my old time, even though I did do 10 pounds more today -- 85# took 4:45.

I used my iPod to video myself, and I am bummed to report that upon review I jacked up the count, and only did 29 reps. ARGH! I can't fucking count when I'm doing these WODs... I knew I was starting to screw up the count, so I handed off to a spectator, but it was already too late. I told her I was just finished with 12, when I had really only done 11. Ack.

The video also showed me that my knees were caving in on some of my cleans (ew!) and that I had totally crappy push jerks near the end. I was basically busting out a push press instead of locking out while dropping under so I could just stand the weight up.

But honestly, today was a good day in the gym. After Grace was over, I worked on my kipping swing and I was able to kip up to the bar. Whatever was going on yesterday, the best way to get over it is to just get back to practicing my pullups daily, like I used to.

Time to shower up and get out of the house. I'm going to wear my black or brown dress to run errands cause it's too damn hot for clothes (high 90's) and my sweat won't show as much. :-D